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PostPosted: Tue May 12, 2009 9:03 am 
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Misedashi
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It was merely an example, not a mold for you to follow -_-;;;;; I wouldn't do that.

And I think you misinterpreted most of what I wrote. I won't explain myself again; I have neither the time nor the energy. It's also getting quite difficult to keep reiterating my advice over and over again without you taking it in stride. I'm not trying to attack your writing style for being too detailed--only trying to provide a straightforward and critical commentary on your piece. If you keep defending yourself from my criticisms and refusing to give them any merit, there is no more point in me using up my time to give my opinion. I can already see, without reading through 50 pages, that my advice about wordiness wasn't taken.

Cutting detail is really one of the only things I see that can improve your piece, and that is what I'm going to keep saying. Tell me if I'm wasting my time, I tried to be very cordial with expressing my frustrations.


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PostPosted: Tue May 12, 2009 11:47 am 
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Senior Maiko
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Joined: Fri Jun 27, 2008 1:17 pm
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Location: Florida
Favorite Geiko: Mayuha and Kimika
Favorite Maiko: Fukusuzu
I did take your advice and cut detail from my work, I'm only discussing merits. I get more out of a critique if there is a lengthy, back and forth discussion than just taking someone's advice and then letting the subject drop.

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PostPosted: Tue May 12, 2009 11:30 pm 
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Misedashi
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Who in the world said you had to let the subject drop? It's all your decision. I'm only trying to help you out by suggesting you try another way to get your point across, a way that I find is quite effective not only in my own writing but in most of my peers' and other authors' as well. You could have tried writing something, a paragraph, with subdued detail, something that wasn't even significant to your story and if it was not sounding beautiful, or if it was just too difficult, or if you felt like it was trivializing the piece, then you could have said "Hey, I tried it and I don't think this is working," rather than shooting my advice down from the beginning with "It's not my style to be cogent and economic." If it wasn't working for you, then it would make sense to tell me so. But it's just not correct to refuse it without an attempt at trying it out.

This discussion wasn't a back and forth to me. Just me repeating myself again and again and feeling like I was blathering into the air.

I'm sorry if I sound rather angry. I just don't want to be wasting my time like a lecturer reciting to an uninterested audience. I intended to come into this thread and create a project between you and me/the forum and make a great story, make it a collaborative effort. But if there is no point, please tell me so and I will wish you the best of luck and be on my way.


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PostPosted: Wed May 13, 2009 2:11 am 
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Senior Maiko
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Favorite Geiko: Mayuha and Kimika
Favorite Maiko: Fukusuzu
I didn't shoot it down, I was discussing it. I did take your advice in my revised edition, I was just discussing merits as I worked on different concepts. I get more out of a work in a back-and-forth discussion because it helps me make ideas more concrete. My idea of who Yoko is, for instance, became fuller in my mind as I was discussing it. If you don't want to discuss it with me though, then you don't have, too.

Nonetheless, I'm revising again since you still didn't seem happy with it. But, if you don't want to read it, that's fine.

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PostPosted: Wed May 13, 2009 2:53 am 
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Misedashi
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You replied to my original advice to cut detail with, although the sentence was qualified for manner's sake, "it's not my writing style to be minimalist." I see that as blatant refusal to take constructive criticism in stride when it was requested in the first place.

However, if you find that discussing characters and plot to be beneficial, I will definitely help you with that. I won't go into the "excessive detail" thing anymore since you already know my opinion on your long winded paragraphs. Whether you decide to keep them for your story or not won't be taking up my time or energy from now on.

PM me with whatever questions or comments you might have if you really so desire my opinion in the future. I will not read any more drafts of your novel (not because of this petty spat but honestly, it is exceedingly difficult to read and too static for my tastes) but if you find yourself in need of a critical eye, feel free to contact me.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed May 13, 2009 11:11 am 
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Senior Maiko
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Favorite Geiko: Mayuha and Kimika
Favorite Maiko: Fukusuzu
I did follow your advice, though, and if you had read my draft, you would have seen that I cut detail from it, and I still am since you still weren't happy with it. It wasn't a blatant refusal, I was simply stating that there were things that I would and would not cut, since you wanted me to cut more than I was comfortable with. Nonetheless, if you don't want to read it anymore, I understand.

I didn't consider our discussion as a 'petty spat'. I think that because we were communicating via writing, implied vocal tones and gestures might have been lost along the way. If I sounded too defensive, then that wasn't my intention.

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PostPosted: Wed May 13, 2009 3:29 pm 
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Favorite Geiko: Mayuha and Kimika
Favorite Maiko: Fukusuzu
I revised chapters one and two again, and here is the link for anyone interested in reading them.

I've also posted the link in the first post.

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 Post subject: Re: Brainstorming Thread- Novel and Comic Ideas Welcome!
PostPosted: Wed Sep 29, 2010 3:47 pm 
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Minarai
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Joined: Fri Sep 18, 2009 3:09 pm
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Location: Burorotsu no Hanamachi
Favorite Geiko: Miehina Miharu
Favorite Maiko: Katsuru Toshikana
Fuyou I tried to read your drafts today and the link says they're removed :(

If you did remove them maybe I could get a copy? :thanks:

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